One of the biggest things I’ve learnt in recent months is how overrated rules are and how underrated principles are.
When you encounter people, whether they are aware of it or not, the vast majority of them want you to do something for them, to agree with them, for you to do as they say!
I’ve grown big a big dick and man balls and I’m here to say otherwise – to show you that you can be your own person, deal with shit easily and get more stuff done.
Let’s dive right in!
1. The ability to say No!
Let’s start with a big one – and probably the scariest! Whether you like it or not, you are probably a people pleaser to some degree! I certainly know I am and it has had a huge impact on me even down to the work I’ve done and where I now live.
Regrets are pointless because you are where you are but the ability to say No means you can make the choices that work best for you AND you can define boundaries to let people know how to treat you and how NOT to treat you. You get to call the shots in your own life, leaving no stone unturned in terms of what you want to do.
You have voices in your head, those demons that fester and pester you telling you
You’re not good enough.
You can’t do this.
Who’s going to listen to you anyway?
Consistency is what overcomes challenge. There’s an old adage that professionals do the required work after the initial flash of enthusiasm has worn off.
Consistency is what separates the winners from the losers.
P.S. Most people use negative language like “never give up.” – reframe your mindset using positive language – PLEASE KEEP GOING!
Do you look for a crisis or get angry when you want to be honest with people? I’ve done this a lot it turns out.
Being honest with people in a calm way is actually surprisingly rare. Bravery requires you know what you want and aren’t so afraid to stand out from the crowd and declare what you’re going to do and follow through with it!
Learn to breathe through what you need to do. Face the fears head on, tell people the things you need to in a calm way. It will make your whole world more peaceful (we’ll come to peacefulness a little later)
You have to know what you want and what you’re aiming for otherwise you will flail around in the fucking wind!
Sit down and ask yourself what you really want and get on with it. My family have seen the changes in me since I got calmer and more decisive. We get things done quicker because I’ve become a leader rather than a follower.
Decisiveness is another sure fire way to grow a giant slinger in your trousers. People, and I mean this seriously, do not want to mess with you anymore. They don’t want to manipulate you as much, if at all, because they know you’ll see through it.
Let your huge cock be your guide.
The world and its mother are out to distract you!
They all want a piece of you and they’ll get it if you refuse to focus.
Being such a historic people pleaser, I was always afraid of offending people, not being liked, getting in the way, etc. etc. Take a moment to realise this……
They’re not bothered about asking me to do things for them, are they showing me the consideration I deserve? No, not only do they not care about imposing, they nigh on expect you to do things for them!
Cut out the distractions, even for half an hour, and get some powerful and positive work done. Just do it. It’s your empire you’re building and no one else will do it for you!
Stress is the enemy of success. No joke.
One of the biggest realisations I’ve made about my behaviour is how much of a hurry I’ve been in AND how much I’ve been trying to prove myself to other people.
Give it up.
Start appreciating yourself for what you get done. Your efforts count and there is nothing wrong in congratulating yourself but you absolutely cannot do that unless you are peaceful.
Peacefulness is presence.
Peacefulness is being awake.
Peacefulness is being responsible.
Most people are reactive.
Most people are asleep.
When you get peaceful, believe me, you get grateful. When you see things for what they are, you figure out what works and doesn’t work and you become more productive and, let’s lay the cards on the table, you stop giving a shit about the irrelevant stuff!
You know what I’m going to say, Rome was not built in a day. Patience truly is a virtue. Here’s something, though, you may not have heard.
Slow down to speed up.
Just as in the last point, you can’t achieve greatness in a hurry. Nothing good comes from stress or anxiety or anger. When you’re racing through life, ask yourself who you’re racing against! Other people? No, they have a different life and a different path. The government? Other businessmen? No, they’re not the competition, they’re something to let go of. Only compare yourself to who you were yesterday.
The world is fucking huge place, you’ll never ever keep up. Let it go.
Do you, it’s okay to do you, relax, do the work daily. Take steps. That’s all that counts.
Great phrase: Save the Goal, Change the strategy.
Another Great phrase: Don’t be addicted to outcomes.
We think we ‘know’ shit. We really don’t. You cannot predict the future. You cannot shape the world exactly as you want it. Good! You will never be the benevolent dictator you imagine (I know it’s tempting, I do it too but then I wake up again and realise trying to shape everything so it’s ‘perfect’ is tyrannical).
You have to be willing to accept (more on this in the next point) that there will be bumps in the road but also accept the flip side that you’ll be able to deal with them.
I’m all for living your life your way but when you’re learning from experienced people who know what they’re doing, you’ll want to be contrary and do things differently for the sake of it but you’ll be wasting your time.
The world is not hard. The world is not complicated.
You make it hard. You make things complicated.
It sounds counter-intuitive but learn to go with the flow as much as you can. Rigidity and forever-believing you’re right leads to nothing but war, whether on a localised or larger scale.
Things are as they are. There is war going on in peoples’ heads and most want to express that as violence whether on Ukrainian soil or Russian soil, or Middle Eastern soil. There is no war in those countries, there is war in peoples’ heads and they act it out with force.
There is war going on in cyclists’ heads as they cycle on the pavements.
There is war going on in drivers’ heads as they run red lights.
There is war going on at supermarket checkouts.
War, war, war.
We create it, not countries.
Acceptance is not about saying things are good or bad.
Acceptance is about dealing with things as they are happening, not being attached to a tribe or destructive belief system and FINDING THE SOLUTIONS.
Them: “Oh but, Martin! War in Ukraine is terrible.”
Me: “Okay, what are you doing about it?”
Them: “I’m signing an online petition.”
Me: “Who does that petition go to?”
Them: “The politicians and if we get enough signatures, they have to discuss it in the House.”
Me: “What will that do?”
Them: “They’ll talk about it.”
Me: “So, you’re signing a petition or going on a march to tell people who want war that they shouldn’t be at war and they will TALK about it.”
Wrong focus. Passive.
A fire does not get extinguished if you throw more oil on it. Be part of the solution.
If you’re going to build a community, focus it around people who want things to be better. Most people want to fight. I am a true pacifist, I want genuine love in the world. You will never convince everyone to do this but if there is just one more peaceful person in the world, you have no idea what effect that can have on the world. Give it a go!
Acceptance is not about judging right or wrong, it’s understanding what strategies actually work to improve the world. People will tell you you’re crazy but, remember, they’re the ones supporting war and violence. The crazy people are the best people.
The most underrated principle in the world.
Following on from above – be a solutions person – be a lover not a fighter.
Life lesson: If you think you have no influence, try spending the night with a mosquito.
Smiles, laughs, pleasure are contagious. People have always described me as ‘sunny.’
Them: Martin, how are you always so enthusiastic?
Me: Because I choose to be.
Everything is a choice and I mean EVERYTHING! Including being happy, including being joyful. You have to make the choice for yourself or, believe me, someone else will make it for you and it won’t be what you want.
Regardless of the outcome, choosing your own path makes you a leader, it makes you free, anything else makes you a prisoner.
Does the world need more unhappy people? No.
Does the world need more violent people? No.
Does the world need more war? No.
Think of how fabulous joyful people are. Do you want to do things when you see a happy, productive and free-flowing person – yes you do and you can. Only when you are joyful, do you conquer. Only when you are joyful, do you fulfil your potential. Only when you are joyful, do you find the solutions.
Be Joyful. It feels good and helps others feel good too. Win-Win!
Final thoughts – it’s over to You Now!
I’d love to hear what you agree with, what you disagree with, what you’d add that has worked for you. Living by principle rather than dictate means you can have open and honest discussion that has fruitful outcomes. We all need support of some kind. Give it to yourself first and attract more of it into you life.
I always pick up coins from the pavement – find a penny, pick it up and all the day you’ll have good luck. It started I would find pennies, now I find pounds. Things improve when you invest in them, that goes for mindsets, relationships, business/work, sex/physical life, emotional/spiritual life.
I’d love to hear from you in the comments and look forward to a positively transformational conversation with you.
Have a wonderful day, O! Principled One!